


Feels Like Death

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: During Canon, Established Relationship, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-09
Updated: 2009-09-09
Packaged: 2018-09-03 05:32:06
Rating: Teen & Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8699008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Sam talks to Dean from above the grave.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Takes place right after the end of season 3. I decided to fix a few things I thought could use fixing.

Feels like Death

 

Sam stumbled to his knees beside the loose soil that was layered over his brothers freshly buried coffin. He was more than a little drunk and mad at seemingly everything. Most of all, he hated the thought of his brother, his life, his decisions, his death. The death that left him so very much alone in all the ways that seemed to count.

 

“I can’t handle it when you’re not near me.” He whispered. “I hate it, the way it feels, like I can’t breathe, like I’m dying. I need you with me Dean, I need you so much.” 

 

Feeling a spurt of anger Sam punched the ground in front of him. “What the hell were you thinking?” He hissed. “I loved the last year we had together, but that’s all you got us, now you’re gone. And I’m useless; I can’t even get you back. I can’t bring you back to me.” Sam laid himself down, on the patch of dirt that covered his brothers’ handmade coffin. He took a deep breath and looked at the sky, knowing that Dean wasn’t up there, where he belonged, tears started forming in his eyes.

 

“I miss you so much bro.” His fingers ran through the loose soil beneath him and memories started to swim through his head. “I still hear your voice, feel you next to me, then I look and you’re not there. I want to see your smile and the way your eyes seemed to light up when you laughed.” He took a deep shaky breath. “I miss your laugh.” 

 

He brought his long arms up to curl around him, giving a little extra heat to his upper body as he remembered Dean wrapping his arms around him after a long day or a hot and heavy session of great sex. Those were the times that Dean didn’t crack a chick flick joke, and they could just lay there, in the latest cheap hotel bed, pretending nothing else existed, wrapped up in each others’ heat. 

His tears escaped, slowly making their decent down his cheek to hang on the curve of his ear. 

 

“Dean, I want you back. Every minute that you’re not here feels like death, it hurts to move.” He drew in a shaky breath and more thoughts of Dean flowed through his mind. The way he would look after a hunt, with his ‘we dusted the mother’ smirk, patting him on the back, offering to buy breakfast. Waking up to Dean holding coffee under his nose after a long night of sex with a smile that all but said he had five minutes before he was jumped again. Lying in bed, in Dean’s warm embrace, listening to him breathe deep in his ear whispering just before sleep claimed them, “I love you Sammy.”

 

Another tear flowed to meet the first and dropped, sinking into the earth. 

 

He whispered into the night, his eyes gently falling close against the night sky. 

 

“I love you too Dean.”

 

End


End file.
